PATIENCE
or
Bunthorne's Bride
ACT I
The opening scene is laid at "Castle Bunthorne," where
Bunthorne, aesthetic poet, is explaining to twenty
love‑sick maidens the mysteries of love, which, he asserts,
can be cured by proper medical treatment. They listen to
him with adoration, but he remains insensible to their
passion. He loves Patience, they declare.
Patience, a simple dairy‑maid, has never loved anyone
except an aunt, and learns that true love must be "utter
unselfishness." The previous year the officers of a
regiment of Dragoon Guards, whose colonel now introduces
himself and them in a rollicking, boastful song, has been
much beloved by the twenty maidens, but now they are
accorded a different welcome. Bunthorne has "idealised
them" and "their eyes are opened." When alone, he admits
being a sham ‑- only feigning aestheticism to gain
admiration.
Patience remembers a boy who was her child-companion, and
when Archibald Grosvenor appears she discovers it is he.
They love each other, but Patience, in the belief that true
love is "utter unselfishness," thinks she cannot marry one
so perfect.
Bunthorne, returning, has decided to put himself up to be
raffled for, and just as the lot is to be drawn, Patience
in her "utter unselfishness" says that she will marry him
because "she detests him so."
The disappointed maidens then return to the Dragoons, but
when they see Archibald Grosvenor, immediately transfer
their affections to him because "he is aesthetic!"
Bunthorne is jealous, and the Dragoons disgusted.
ACT II
A "Rural Glade." The unattractive Jane bewails the lot of
maidens who have been in that state too long. Grosvenor is
now adored by all the maidens. He is somewhat annoyed by
their attentions for they have followed him since Monday.
He pleads for "the usual half holiday on Saturday."
Patience, meanwhile, muses upon love. Bunthorne, deserted
and consumed by jealousy, has still one faithful admirer -‑
the portly Lady Jane, whose charms decrease as her size
increases. She implores him not to wait too long, but
Bunthorne is determined to beat Grosvenor on his own
ground.
At last the rival poets meet. Bunthorne threatens to
"curse" Archibald unless he consents to cut his hair and
become quite commonplace. Grosvenor outwardly appalled, but
secretly relieved, consents to become an "every day young
man".
Now that Bunthorne is happy, Patience, in her "utter
unselfishness," breaks her engagement. Upon Archibald
Grosvenor's return, in a tweed suit, she realizes that
since he is now a commonplace young man, she can marry him.
Bunthorne finds that the twenty love‑sick maidens have
returned to their soldier‑lovers. He then decides to
console himself with the portly Lady Jane. But the Duke of
Dunstable, desirous of marrying a plain woman, has already
claimed Lady Jane, so Bunthorne is left without a bride!